You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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