atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My pussy is not your playground.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize