She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
