she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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