Swine flu. Run for my life!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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