I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
