So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
