I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
