"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
