I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
