My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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