hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
