At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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