I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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