I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
