The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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