Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
