I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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