Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
