I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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