Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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