Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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