Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
