I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
