omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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