were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So vagazzling was a success
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize