Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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