I hate your face
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
