This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
