Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
