We're like a lot better than the average bears
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
