so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
