I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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