I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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