I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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