My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
