I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
