just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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