ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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