she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
