You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
