i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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