I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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