highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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