I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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