Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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