We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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