remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
