The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
