ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
