i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
