All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
