So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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