singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
