I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
