So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
