Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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