im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
