It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
