i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
