all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
