I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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