woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
