he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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