I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
