"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
