i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
