I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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