My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
