My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
