Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
