I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
