my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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