Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
