i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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