Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
