I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
