imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
