so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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