I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
try to milk me bitch
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