Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
