If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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