Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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