2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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